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Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, yall! : )

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Dell Customer Service Call Video

So i heard about this on the radio this am through a "best of" morning show... freakin HYSTERICAL.

some dude calls into Dell wanting to buy a computer advertised in a flyer. Things quickly go horribly wrong. The Dell guy starts calling the guy "little little girl" and at one point calls him a hooker.

hahahahaha.

ENJOY!!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Super Bowl Shuffle, anyone?

Apparently, the Chicago Bears aren't the only ones with a hott rap from back in the 80s. According to Chris Cooley, making these was all the rage back in the day. First, lets remind ourselves of the most famous of these locker room raps...



Haha... we all know this is fabulous. But it's not the only one. Chris posted several on his page the other day, the best obviously belonging to my Skins. (hahaha. Yes. "Chris" posted them... like I know him.) And I just re-read it, and it looks like his brother Tanner actually posted them.... but whatev. :-P



Gotta love it! I'll also share my other favorite.... the rap from the Raiders. No, I'm not a Raiders fan, but I LOVE that Howie Long raps in it. Makes the whole thing. And I love that his hair hasn't changed in 20 years. Enjoy!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Heidi and Spencer married, Ashlee Simpson baby

Ok. This is NOT GOOD. I dunno what evil alignment the planets were in this year, but it clearly wasn't a good one.

First, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had their little emo baby, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, on the fabulous day that is my birthday. That was pretty fucking horrible. I'm sure he was born with tragically bad emo hair flat ironed into his face and dyed a ridiculous shade of super black, complete with eye liner and black nail polish, and that trademark emo mopey look that lets us all know how completely tragic his life is. At least that is genuine - we'd all have that mopey look if Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz were our parents. I'm sure "flat iron" will be one of Bronx Mowgli Wentz's first words.

This was bad enough on the glorious day that is my birthday. But then today's news showed up:

Heidi and Spencer eloped in Mexico. I mean... this is the worst.cover.EVER. Ashlee baby... Heidi and Spencer marriage. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. That photo pretty much makes me wanna hurl. Good thing I haven't had dinner.

Apparently these two twats snuck off to Mexico and eloped, despite objections from their parents..... and the rest of the free world. Check out the photos here. I love how Heidi managed to find the most hookerish shoes... just shy of some Shauna Sand lucite heels. And I think Michael K is right.... Heidi is looking a little preggo in that dress. God lets hope she's not carrying the spawn of Spencer.

I officially have to change my birthday. Or jump off a bridge. Or maybe both... I wouldn't want an obit to say that my birthday was the same date as these two events.

Pink Sari Gang

This is awesome!

There's a group of women running around India calling themselves "gulabi gang" (pink gang), that are whooping some ass on some fucked up men!

For the last two years. the women have been searching out corruption in the police force and delivering their own vigilante justice to anyone guilty of domestic violence or sexual assault.

Armed with lahti (traditional sticks), these pink clad women beat beat men who have abandoned or abused their wives and policemen who have refused to register claims of rape.

The group's 47-year old fierce leader said:

"The police and officials are corrupt and anti-poor. So sometimes we have to take the law into our own hands. At other times, we shame the wrongdoers. But we are not a gang in the usual sense of the term. We are a gang for justice. We wear pink because it is the colour of life."

They've racked up numerous criminal charges over the past two years, but that hasn't slowed them down. I think they're really cool and awesome, and should keep it up! Plus, they chose PINK as their signature color! Can't go wrong with that!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Tina Sherman Nude McDonalds Photos

Holy potatoes, batman! Tina Sherman is definitely NOT loving it.

She sent racy photos of herself to her husband. That idiot left his phone at a McDonalds. The manager said he'd keep the phone safe. Someone there found the photos and uploaded them to a website that included Tina Sherman's name and contact info.

Read my story about it at Right Celebrity! See one of the photos here.

Seriously - HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?! First, in this day and age, we allllllllllllllll know not to have naked pictures of ourselves really anywhere. Second, DON'T LEAVE YOUR CELL PHONE and if you do, return IMMEDIATELY to get it. Third, don't snoop and then admit to it by putting the photos on a fucking website and sending Tina text messages from her hubby's phone about it! and if you're going to be that dumb, DON'T POST TINA'S CONTACT INFO with the photos. That is really unnecessary info, anyway.

Idiots.

Birthday Roundup

Ok... so yesterday was the last of the birthday festivities..... sorta. Lusty Lulu couldn't be there, so he's promised me a day of inappropriate photos wherever I want. We'll call that a sorta extension of the birthday fun. But for now, it's over.

Inebriated Erin and I went to the Wax and Spy museums yesterday. We decided to meet at Metro Center, since we live a bit away from each other and there was no point in one of us driving to the other's house prior to a long-ish drive to a metro station. Inebriated Erin left her house CRAZY early, and was at Metro Center before my train had left from Springfield. Apparently while she was waiting for me, she befriended a homeless man who gave her a flower. Awwww how sweet! : )

When we were finally both in the same place at the same time, we headed off to the Wax Museum. I knew what corner the joint was on, but I had no idea where it was in relationship to where we were when we arose from the depths of the metro. Some random dude asked if he could help us, and we of course said no because we didn't know who the fuck he was. We looked around and were still clueless (and VERY COLD), so I looked at some sign that was babbling about DC. A random person got all bitchy with me and said "ya know, that's what that guy over there is for," referring to the possibly sketch dude who'd attempted to talk to us before. So from a safe distance, I asked him if he knew where the wax museum was, and he gave me alllllllllllllllllllllllll kinds of bitchy attitude because I hadn't wanted to talk to him before. Let's take a brief timeout here. Inebriated Erin and I are two girls alone in DC, and some non-police officer dude is asking us if we need help. WHY would we say yes? My ultimate goal was to survive the day so I could later write about it. No need to get all bitchy with me just because I didn't get the memo that DC was putting random guys in random places to tell me where things are.

Anyrudeassbitch"helper"guy.... without looking up from his cell phone (RUDE!) he was able to stop being bitchy long enough to point us in the right direction, and we eventually found ourselves at the museum. It was fabulous and "really cool and awesome" and you should check out the photos from the experience.... MUCH inappropriateness took place.

Back to the metro to go just one little stop so we can check out the spy museum. I know... it's ridic to ride the metro one stop... I'm sure it was just 2 blocks or something crazy like that, but I didn't know what direction said 2 blocks were in, and I wasn't about to start wandering around in the FREEZING cold of the day, so metro it was!

We got to the spy museum and realized we were fairly hungry, so we popped into an eatery across the street for some food and beer (I was with Inebriated Erin, after all:-P). Inebriated Erin did a quick scan of their in-house brewed beers and naturally picked the one with the highest alcohol content - gotta get the most for your buck! Makes total sense in these harsh economic times. So we drank a little... and ate a little... and spent what felt like 203842035203483243 hours sitting there. In reality - only an hour. That place must have been in some weird ass time warp or something, but it seriously felt like 3 days.

Anyiswearwewerentdrunk.... we finally were off to the spy museum! I was WAY excited about this, as I'd heard from various people that it was fun and seriously - how could stuff about real life spies NOT be cool? To sum up the experience, I'll share a little exchange between me and Inebriated Erin:

Inebriated Erin: I SO thought this was going to be really cool and awesome.
Erika: Yeah, me too : ( But it.......
Inebriated Erin: ...... was NOT really cool and awesome.

The museum was just.... OOC. I felt smacked in the face with WAY too much information.... all in itty bitty type that I had to stand around reading... in the midst of 20384023483243 other people trying to do the same. There was a lot of interactive stuff, none of which we could take advantage of because of alllllllllllllllllllllll the people there.

We did get to see two things designed for spies to shove up their asses, one of which was HUGE. That was kinda cool.

The BEST part of that experience was the quiz. When we first got there, we were told to pick an identify from the 16 posted all over the place. It had basic info like name, age, where you're from, job, where you're going and why. They said you had to learn this info, but never said why. I picked some Italian girl because she was 21 (and the theme of this whole birthday has been about getting younger). She was a travel agent from Mirano, Italy going to Hanoi, Vietnam for 30 days on business... I think her name was Angelena Falcone. Erin picked some 26 year old Kenyan chick with a name she couldn't pronounce.

As we're walking around... just a few minutes after the "really cool and awesome" conversation, someone came up to us to QUIZ US about our identities. Now... it had been a significant amount of time since we'd read these things. This chick and dude were standing there and were like WHATS YOUR NAME?! I was like uuuuuuuuhhhhhh and I looked at Erin, who had to help me with the first name. After that, I was pretty good and they lied and said I was "convincing" at taking on this new identity (a MASSIVE lie because I didn't know my name, and I laughed through the whole thing). They gave me some kind of "you're a kick ass spy" sticker, and tried to give one to Inebriated Erin, since they assumed we were both this girl. I made it VERY clear that this was not the case, because if I had to be quizzed, so did she.

They asked her her name, and and all Inebriated Erin could come up with was "umm... it starts with an H!" and she spewed off almost all the other info about this girl. The two spy quizzers laughed and said something like "well... seems you know everything... BUT YOUR NAME," which they thought was comical.

They eventually found her little bio, and asked her where she was from. After 5 minutes or so, it was clear Inebriated Erin was never going to come up with this info, so they moved on. At this point, I was laughing hysterically. The quizzers both looked at me and were like "ma'am, this is SERIOUS," and basically gave me a look that said they were gonna take me out back and shoot me if I didn't stop. I attempted to get my game face (oooor spy face) on, but it didn't work well. They next asked Inebriated Erin "so what do you do for a living in the place we have yet to establish?" This of course got me laughing all over again, and Inebriated Erin was all ummmmmmm until they said "you look like you're good with money." Inebriated Erin was able to get the rest of her thing, except where she lived. They told her she was living in Kenya, let her keep her spy sticker, and we were on our way. By far, the highlight of the experience.

So that was our day! Good timez at the Wax Museum, intense quizzing at the Spy Museum, and a time warp over lunch.

Now we just need to find a place to take Lusty Lulu for the inappropriate pictures he promised me. If anyone has any ideas, let me know!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Awesome Birthday-ness

So... the quick highlights so far....


-My step dad is like... biologically averse to my birthday, so once again plans changed at the last minute. it's ok, though... i ended up going to Fudruckers with Texas and my mom, and we're scheduled to go to Mike's American Grill as soon as the evil step father feels better : )

-After Fudruckers, we came back here and i got my MY LITTLE PONY CAKE!!!!! seriously... the best.cake.EVER. and it tasted SO GOOD!! very exciting.

-After cake, i played wii with my mom. way cool.

-Today, i got to play wii at work! totally not birthday related, but still hott shit : )

-I got a card from Inebriated Erin that was some SERIOUS hott shit. Too funny for words, and came complete with a drunk Inebriated Erin doodle!

-This email exchange happened with the hottest slut of them all, Michael K from dlisted!!

[In response to my TOTAL horror that i share a birthday with Bronx Mowgli Wentz]
You do?! Oh shit. Block it the fuck out. BMW! lol.
happy belated
birthday btw ho
xoxoxox

[In response to my response, where i said i'd be reminded yearly of this horridness]
Bitch change your birthdate! Legally do that shit. Naw. Eff him. He'll
probably run away next year and never me heard from again.
Love you ho!


OMGGGG! I heart Michael K more than words can say. So this... pretty much made me DIE.

ON TAP: HOTT TIMES WITH INEBRIATED ERIN tomorrow at the wax and spy museums!! Priceless pictures to come : )

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Prince William Penis

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! According to my Right Celebrity people, this is a REAL PHOTO of Prince William's.... willy. Apparently, this was alllllllllllll the rage today... somehow I missed all the hoopla. Perez has several sites w/ the photos... one has it in video form.

succio! I bet the queen is DYING.

WTF is he doing here?! I mean.... what is he doing??! Why is he just...walking around like that?! And I know what yall are thinking... why couldn't this have been prince hott ginge? (or... hott auburn, as he claims he is). I guess we can't be too picky when we're asking for royal penis, now can we?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Look! A story that's not just a bunch of links!

Yes... I don't write very much anymore. but that's because someone else swooped me up, and they take up a lot of my time. But I did want to take a few minutes now and write a few words on the eve of my 24th birthday.

Yes. My 24th birthday. Again. Ya see, I feel old... and I don't like being old. And I wasn't a big fan of 25, so I've decided I don't just want to hold here. So I've taken the next step and decided to move backwards starting tomorrow. So I will be turning 24 for the second time. In a year, I'll turn 23 again. I must say, I really am excited about this.

I'm already really excited about this birthday... although that's gotten me into trouble in the past, as I've ultimately found myself disappointed. But hopefully this year will turn out different - I am defying the whole space-time continuum, after all. Tomorrow night for the big day, I'm doing a family dinner w/ my mom, step dad, step grandpa (?), and bf. We're going out to dinner, then going to my step grandpa's (again.. ??) for CAKE! And I'm WAY excited about this cake - it's my little pony!!! See? No way to be disappointed by this! I can't wait!

Saturday is going to be AWESOME, too. Inebriated Erin and I have made some kick ass plans. We're going to venture into DC (which means Inebriated Erin has to brave the metro... should be exciting!) and go to the wax museum and the spy museum! I've never been to either of them, so I'm pretty excited. Inebriated Erin's all geeked up for the wax museum and political figures housed within, and can't wait to take 23840238423202384234 inappropriate pictures with them. I, too, can't wait for her to do this. And the spy museum! I've heard some pretty cool things about it, so I'm way excited : )

Maybe after we can catch some dinner.... or find some booze and act dumb on the mall? haha... probably something in the middle of the two. Can't wait!! : )

Monday, November 17, 2008

Latest Right Celebrity Posts

Jodie Prenger. Some British reality tv whore. well... she's not a whore, but she's definitely whoring herself out for the tv.

Debbie Matenopoulos is getting divorced. She says she's surprised and devastated. but they've been separated since March, sooooo can she really be that surprised?

California wildfires are threatening stars' homes. and ya know... a bunch of other real shit owned by ppl who don't have 230842043 other houses to choose from when they have to figure out where the hell theyre gonna live.

Britney Spears is gonna be on X Factor. Too bad I can't watch that. hopefully it's not a trainwreck like her last performance was.

Carrie Underwood's Just a Dream performance at the CMAs. Yeah... I've watched this video 203840343 times, and it still makes me cry.

Monica Cruz upskirt. I can't believe I wrote this story.

Rebecca Willis and her Dirty Dancing lawsuit. hahahaha. watch the video - i think this lady dances like my mom.

Madonna let Guy see the kids. And it came with a huge list of crazy ass demands. shocking.

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom are engaged. Maybe.

Jesse Metcalfe falls 40 ft. Yeah... i know he's a giant douche, but it's sad when something that hott gets hurt. ok... that was a pretty horrible thing to say. i do hope he's ok.

Jennifer Aniston in Vogue. And holy shit did she stir the pot with this one.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake goes to rehab. Amy won't pay. Probably b/c he didn't tell her he was getting out of jail, and she found out when the rest of us did.

Drew Barrymore thinks prop 8 sucks ass. because it does. this has stirred up quite the little comment fight. loves it.

Brit Brit takes little Jayden James to the hospital. he's ok, though.

Lindsay Lohan in Harper's Bazaar. and she's not a lezzie. but she may be bi.

and there ya have it.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Right Fielders and Right Celebrity

New links!

Big Ben Injured! yeah... i didn't pay attention, so i don't know if he played yesterday or not...

Something about Serena. barf.

Jose Canseco guilty. gets probation. lame.

Carrie Underwood continues to talk about Tony Romo. this one was fun, cuz i got to mention that she called Jessica "fat" a few months ago. gotta love a cat fight that just won't end.

18 game NFL season? this would be sweet.

Roger Clemens and his lawsuit. cuz, ya know, he never used steroids. whatever you say, Rocket.

Jennifer Aniston having twins? that's what Star wants us to believe.

Britney Spears goes to Kentwood. And brings Tater Tot and Small Fry with her. Awww.

Mariah Carey sings live! and acts like a TOTAL diva on her 3 day hop across the the pond.

Nicole Kidman does Glamour. Talks about Tom, Stepford Katie, and her kids.

Bad Boy Colin Farrell not a bad boy anymore. He's still hott as shit, though.

Brad Pitt on Oprah. Talks about his cute kids and that homewrecker he's with. Yes... I still think she's a homewrecker.

Kanye West pees on the floor. What a douche.

Lisa Rinna admits too much lip filler. DUH.

YAY! for celeb gossip!!!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I've been promoted!!!

After making it through my 60 post trial period with Right Fielders, I'VE BEEN PROMOTED!!! And, what's even better - I GET TO WRITE CELEBRITY GOSSIP NOW!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

I'll now be posting on Right Celebrity, which I'm way excited about (if you couldn't tell). Not that I didn't love writing on the sports page.... but I spend way too much time in my life reading about bad celeb gossip - now I can justify it : )

I'll continue to post links to my stories here for yall to enjoy : )

Happy reading!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Your Daily Dose of Right Fielders

Can the Skins predict the President? except for 2004, they have since 1936. freaky.

Magic Johnson wants YOU to vote no on Prop 8. Just the latest celeb to jump on this train.

Evil Biggest Loser asshole beats kid, gets arrested. this story was painfully hard to read and write about.

Becks is on the cover of Dec 08 UK GQ. Yum.

Ryan Reynolds runs NY Marathon. And someone thinks his wife's a clone.

James Blake is tired. So he'd like the ATP schedule to be shorter and less demanding. Cuz, ya know, God forbid athletes have to play for a living.

um....... ok..... ??!

Last night, I wrote this story about Ryan Reynolds and how he ran in the NY Marathon to help raise money for Parkinson's disease (I'll get around to posting all my story links later today...).

That's what the story was about - Ryan, marathon, Parkinson's. Since I always have to include a video, I picked one that talked about his marriage to Scarlett Johansson. Not for any particular reason, I just needed a video and the wedding is relatively recent news.

When I got up this morning, I had an email saying someone had commented on the story. I absolutely love these emails, because some of the comments are truly priceless. Today did not disappoint.

Here, in all it's glory, is the comment:

I’d like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress)actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created illegally using stolen biomaterial.Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady.I’ll tell more,those clones(it’s not only 1)made in GERMANY-world leader manufacturer of humans clones,it’s in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,Rhineland-Palatinate,Mr.Helmut Kohl home town.You can’t even imaging the scale of the cloning activity.But warning,H.Kohl staff strictly controlling their clones spreading around the world,they’re NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled,be careful get close with clones you will be controlled too.Original family didn’t authorize any activity with stolen biomaterials,no matter what form it was created in,it’s all need to be back to original family control in Cedars-Sinai MedicalCenter in LA.Controlling clones is US military operation.Original Scarlett never was engaged,by the way

And there you have it! Scarlett is a clone, and apparently one of many. Who knew?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Right Fielders

A way to prevent 14 yr old gymnasts from saying they're 16. I'm still pissed nothing more is being done about this.

Head shots in the NHL. Pretty brutal sport - I'm not really sure why I don't watch it. Maybe I should try harder to get into this.

Steve Young voting no on Prop 8. The Mormons must be pissed.

Warrick Dunn is coming out with a book. And he's got lots of interesting stuff to say.

Marat Safin retiring? I'm not sure what happened to him.... he used to be hott as hell. but.... now... not as much.

Marion Jones on Oprah. She says she didn't know she was doping. Others say she's lying.

ARod Madonna secret meeting? hahahahaha. I heart this story more than words can say.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Right Fielders

Mike Singletary drops pants! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love it!

Niki Taylor having a baby. With a dude she knew for 3 wks before getting engaged, and just a few months before getting hitched.

Becks thinks soccer players are overpaid. that's the pot calling the kettle black.

Posh running NY marathon?! really?! i just wanna see her in sneakers.

The most horrific broken leg videos. EVER. yet... i can't stop watching.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

New Job: Day 3, AM Edition

Day 3 has started off well. Despite an accident on 95, which was on the shoulder and shouldn't have caused traffic, but it did because everyone had to look at it, I managed to get here at 7:45! WOO! 15 min before I was technically supposed to be here, which means I can leave at 4:15 today!

On the drive in, I saw the best license plate ever: L8AGIN. If my plate is the most perfect one for me, this one comes in at a close second. LOVE IT. The only problem was it was 6:45 in the freaking morning and I couldn't call anyone to share the awesomeness.

On tap for today: shadowing Becky, which is a bit odd, because I feel like I've been working longer than she has - I was working with clients here before she was hired. I realize she's been doing this specific job much longer than me - ya know, since I have 2 days and 15 min under my belt. My supervisor told me yesterday that Becky was "the best" at pretty much everything, so I'm excited : ) We're going to the doctor with someone, and then doing a group home inspection, whatever that is. Should be interesting! I also get to make a supply list and start of (sort of) organize MY DESK!! Cuz, ya know, I have one of those now :-D

New Job: Day 2, part 2

After "relaxing" at my new job today, I went on a home visit with one of my coworkers. Then, after a few more minutes of "relaxing," I met with my new supervisor. Basically, I learned that my phone isn't working right, and I can't get into the system that lets me manage my timesheets, pay stubs, benefits, etc (which means I can't set up my benefits). My email also wasn't working, but we managed to get that fixed before I left. I also got my voicemail set up... although, again, my phone isn't working properly, sooooo not many people will get to hear it.

Tomorrow, I get to make a list of needed desk supplies and get all that stuff ordered, which should be fun... although it's been over 3 yrs since I last had a work desk, so I'm concerned I'll forget something obvious and major. I also get to shadow a coworker again, and learn about county cars and other fun things like that.

Sometime this week, I'll get my cell phone (boo), and next week I have TWO DAYS of training on our paperwork system. Big boo to that.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Right Fielders

The whole Mike Singletary Vernon Davis thing. This reminds me of Roy Williams sending one of UNC's stars to the locker room his first season as coach. I heart shit like that.

Alexander Ovechkin visits sick grandpa. I find this sad : (

Hottie Cristiano Ronaldo named best soccer player on the planet. AND he's a hottie!

Michael Phelps does private party appearances! Anyone want to give me $100k?! Please?

Jelena Jankovic is #1. And she didn't win a major all year.

Plaxico benched. damn he's having a rough year.

Did Brett Favre share trade secrets? If it happens all the time, and it's not against the rules, and the Lions lost the game, why does anyone care?

"I'm a solider" Kellen Winslow un-suspended. Goodie for him.

New Job: Day 2

I guess I skipped over Day 1, but I was tired last night, so yall will just have to deal.

Day 2 started out fine. In Day 1, I learned that leaving my house at 6:35 gets me to where I had to be today at 7:45. I needed to be there at 8, and the roads were wet from light rain all night, so I figured I'd leave a few minutes early to hopefully account for all the stupid drivers out there. I WAS SO SO SO SO WRONG.

I got out the door at 6:20 - and yall should all be WAY impressed with that, by the way. The traffic reports I heard said 95 N was heavy from dale city (me) through rt 1. Thats exactly what the deal was yesterday, so I stayed on 95 instead of bailing onto rt 1. BIG mistake. There was HORRID traffic for a few more miles, and I had no idea why. I surfed around for traffic reports, and they all said either 1. traffic was clear past rt 1 or 2. its heavy, with no explanation given. After barely moving for an HOUR, I finally got to the source - an accident taking up the right lane, and there were signs that it had originally taken up far more than that. Once I got past that, traffic completely broke up and I was doing 80 trying to make up for lost time. (It was at this point I finally started to hear that there was an accident. nice.) I wasn't able to fly along at 80 for very long, however. I'd heard reports that there was a cleared accident on 395 just before the 14th st. bridge. I didn't think much of it, as there was apparently one yesterday as well, and it didn't hinder my commute too badly. This was mistake #2. Long before the exit ramp for 495/Tysons split off, traffic came to a complete standstill. About 45 min later, I was finally able to get off 395 and start working my way towards where I needed to be. It was already 8:15 at this point, 15 min after my training had started. The only phone number I had was to my dept's HR dept, and they apparently don't get in until 9, so I just kept getting rolled into a voice mail, which was doing me no good. Eventually, my half asleep and panicked brain realized I should use 411 to call my new supervisor. I did, and she was able to get a note to the people teaching my training saying I was on my way... just very, very slowly.

Once I FINALLY got there, it took me like 10 min to find an open spot in the parking lot. I walked into the conference room at 9:20, a full THREE HOURS after I walked out my front door. Luckily, no one seemed to mind, and I was able to get full credit for the training, despite missing almost 1.5 hrs of the 4 hr class. Nice.

Now I'm sitting AT MY NEW DESK!! "relaxing" on my boss's orders, waiting to talk to her about... whatever you talk to your boss about on Day 2.

Hopefully my trip home won't be as heinous.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Redskins Sunday!

Once again, I found fabulous inspiration on Chris Cooley's page, only this time the hottness was written by rookie QB Colt Brennan. (On a random note, I dig his name.) Here's his story...

This post is a lot like that TV show on MTV. The one where they say, “You think you know…but you have no idea” and in this case, you have no idea. My name is Colt Brennan. I'm a 6th round rookie QB, grew up in So Cal, played college ball in Hawaii, so I’d say I am a pretty laid back kind of guy. I wonder if they took that into consideration when they decided to issue lockers? Considering they saw fit to put me between Chris Cooley and Jason Taylor. At first you may think, "what an awesome experience," I get to be between two pro bowlers, potential hall of famers, dancers. Every day. For the next 5 months. What dream right? More like what a nightmare.

Chris (considering this will be posted on your blog) you’re a cool guy and it’s been pretty fun easing my way into the NFL watching you on a day-to-day basis. You make everyday a little different. But you’ve also made everyday for me a nightmare...
It all started when Jason decided to be tough guy on me one day, warning if I ever got in his way, or touched any of his stuff he would, "beat my ass.” Following this encounter something happened that soon became an everyday event. At first it was funny, but it eventually became a huge pain in my ass. Whenever Chris got his chance, he would do something. For example: he would take a fresh pair of Jason’s Jordan’s (probably sent directly by Michael Jordan) and hide them in my locker. Or maybe take all my dirty laundry and stack it high in front of Jason’s locker. Or better yet, being the great artist Chris is, he drew cartoons (depicting Jason doing… things not meant for children) and taped them on Jason's locker. In the end, who got blamed for it all? I did. Some stuff he probably actually believed was me, and some stuff he knew that I had played no part in any of it yet still tried to give me the blame. Why? Because he started to gain a lot of enjoyment by seeing me in agony.

Chris then started to lose interest, and he wouldn’t try so hard to implicate me into screwing with Jason, yet things kept happening. Like stolen shoes and computer print outs (that didn’t make Jason look so manly) and Jason began retaliating. All of the sudden I’d find my clothes and stuff piled far from my locker in the middle of the room. I began coming to my locker and seeing white tape out lining the boundaries where I was allowed to go (of course the space was not even reasonable), but that didn’t matter. At this point I suspected that Jason was actually messing with his own stuff just to find reason, to mess with me. Like wrapping my helmet up in tape or dismantling it, just to be a pain. Perhaps his best feat was lacing my helmet and visor with Vaseline, which meant I spent the practice in a slippery helmet and no visor, because I couldn’t see out of it (the Vaseline took forever to wipe off).

So thus, this has been my life for the past couple months, and I’ve come to realize what I am this year, and what maybe a lot of rookies are across the league. I’m their pawn, which they maneuver for their pure enjoyment! But don’t worry all you people out there, this past week, I cut Jason’s shoelace on his custom Jordan cleats. I did it discretely, so when Jason put his cleats on Friday and made his way to the practice field, he leaned down to tighten his shoe, he pulled tight, and. POP! There went his shoelace. They [equipment staff] had to run and get some new shoes for him to wear at practice that day, and at first he thought it was just a random occurrence. Well when he finally looked around and saw an out of the ordinary number of eyes watching and smiling, he knew something was up. He Blamed Chris!!

While I find this story hilarious in general, I think my most favorite part is the end - where hottie Jason Tayler blamed super hottie Chris Cooley for the shoelace incident. Hahahaha. Bravo, Colt! Although I'm sure he got quite the ass kicking when they figured it out.

GO SKINS!!!! I can't believe we gave up the FIRST POINTS DETROIT HAS SCORED ALL YEAR. Embarrassing. Hopefully we'll turn this shit around.

HOOS WIN!! HOOS WIN!! HOOS WIN!!


HOLY.FUCKING.SHIT.

These are the current football standings from the ACC. WE'RE AT THE TOP!!! HOW does a team that loses to DOOK (!!!) beat a ranked team two weeks in a row to end up at the top of their division?!

Today continued the Hoos miracle run. We beat a ranked GT ON THE ROAD!!! At the start of the game, I heard the goons say that #18 GT deserved to be ranked higher than they were. And somehow, we beat them!

I think I'm still in some shock. I'm not quite sure what to make of this, but I think I'm excited as hell.

WAHOOWA!!!!!

Making the day THAT MUCH BETTER - the Vah Tek cHokies lost!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Closing one door... and opening another

Friday was officially my last day with PRS. My Right Fielders publisher asked me how the day had gone, and, for such a simple question, I found it rather loaded.

The day was a whirlwind that was jam packed with various emotions.

1. I was incredibly foggy, as I had been up until all hours of the night both Wednesday and Thursday trying to get two HUGE pages of paperwork done. No sleep + stress + 23082304324 things to do = a very weird, surreal foggy feeling that's a little hard to describe.

2. I felt really crazed and frantic all day. I had three clients that I was seeing and saying good-bye to; I had paperwork I had to finish before leaving the house (sometime in the middle of the night, I had lost power and was forced to go to bed with unfinished work); I had to get my fingerprints done for Arlington County, drop them off with HR, and drop off my direct deposit, tax forms, etc etc etc with .... a different group of HR people in a different building (ok... so I don't really know who I gave it to, but it was in a different building, making it three separate places that I had to visit); I had to drop off my laptop and cell phone at the Falls Church office; I had to drop off some signed forms and a referral with Nova at the Mt. Vernon office; I had to do my exit interview over the phone with Natalie from HR, which took longer than I thought it would; I had to do my time sheet, mileage, and last three weeklies; I had to send the "bye, I'll miss yall" email to everyone before I got booted out of the system; and I had to make sure all loose ends were tied up, and all pertinent information was relayed to whoever needed to know it.

3. I felt excited knowing this was the last batch of paperwork I would have to do!! Yes yes.... I know my new job has paperwork - and probably a shit ton more than this job did, but I won't have to sit at home to do it, which makes it totally different and way better. I'll have a DESK and I'll get to finish it up there and not have to think about it when I get home : ) I was also excited at the big professional step I know I'm about to take. While the pay is... barely more... for a job that basically has me taking on the role of two people for twice as many clients.... it's a HUGE step up professionally, which is fantastic! I also really like everyone at the Clarendon House, and every time I'm there, sooooo many of the clients say hi to me and call me by name, which makes a girl feel good : ) Admittedly, I have no clue how most of them know my name, and I have no idea who they are, but still. And I guess I'll have plenty of time to get to know them soon enough.

4. I felt a little nervous/anxious at the idea of starting a new job as someone who is above the position I'd been in for 2.5+ years. With this job, shit happens... almost constantly... that I totally can't control and really can't do much about. The standard response was "tell so-and-so's case manager," and it came with the implied attitude of "...and let them deal with it." Well, now I am the case manager, which means I have to deal with it. YIKES. Typical thoughts have been running through my head, like "OMG am I even qualified for this??!" (SHHHHHH! don't tell my new boss). Then I remember that I had that thought all the time over the past 2.5+ years (SHHHHHH! don't tell my old boss), and I somehow managed to survive, as did all of my clients. There were some bumps along the way, but in the end, everyone was fine - some even ended up better than they were when I met them. Imagine that! That also makes me realize that I have done a lot of case management, and, more importantly, given the nature of my job and that I'm out in the community separated from my supervisor all day, I've had to make a lot of split second clinical decisions and judgements all by myself. While I always spoke with my supervisor about what had happened, I'd pretty much always made the right decision. All by myself! The nervous/anxious feeling also has to do with the fact that I don't like new things, and I don't like change. At all. This is a big change, and it puts me in Arlington, which I don't know (or like) very well. Don't get me wrong - Arlington has a LOT of good qualities and it has a lot to offer. But I HATE having to navigate my way through it - especially the "down town" area. Too many one way streets, and THERE'S NO WHERE TO PARK. Grrrrr. This will be an... experience.

5. I felt so incredibly beyond sad. I haven't been this sad to leave something since I finished up my degree at UVA and they told me I had to go away. I seriously LOVED the people I worked with. Our CEO somehow knew who I was from day 1 (even though I was never in the office), and she always said hi and called me by name, and would take a few minutes out to talk about UVA with me, which always made me feel like I mattered. She also knew I would ALWAYS want the baseball tickets we sometimes got ; ) Whenever she was around clinical staff, she always took a minute to let us know what a great job we all did, and how our awesome clinical work not only directly impacted our clients, but did good things for the company as a whole (we were pretty respected in the community and beyond for our hard work). On Thursday at my homebased meeting, I was surprised with PINK! roses (yeah... they were a treat to get home... in traffic... but that's ok) and a card signed by a ton of people (and a gift card, which was HOTT, but I'm focusing on sentiment here...). I was reading the card at a stoplight, and I almost started crying (lame, I know... but I'm a crier... you should know that by now)... which almost resulted in an accident. And my clients. I learned that I really, REALLY like all of them. It was so sad to have to say good-bye to them. Coworkers I can more easily keep in touch with, but clients... it really was good-bye. My last client of the day said some of the sweetest things to me during our visit. Almost made me cry (but I held it together), and made me SO HAPPY that I had ended the day with him, so I could leave on that wonderful note.

So here I am, kinda waaaaah after thinking about all of this. I'm excited that Monday I get to start my new job!! but sad I won't see all my usual Monday clients (haha... and sad I'll be spending the day in an orientation). Tuesday will bring another orientation/training in the morning, but then I get to go to Clarendon House AND SIT AT MY NEW DESK!! and do whatever one would do on their first day acting as a case manager.

Can't wait!! : )

Right Fielders

my latest posts.....

David Duchovny is suing mad. First, his tennis ho says she won't comment on their relationship. Now, she says there is no relationship. Pick one, lady. He's suing the Daily Mail for printing tennis ho's original story.

ARod selling apartment. So he can move closer to Madonna and have babies with her?

Plaxico Burress fined by NFL. Haha... I totally heart his name. He was fined for mouthing off during the game. and then again after the game. good job!

Tom Brady has more surgery for infection. Staph? Not staph? Should he have used the docs the team wanted him to rather than the doc Gis insisted on? (Cuz... ya know... she's got all that sports medicine experience....)

Lots of positive drug tests for steroids in the NFL. Everyone is saying they didn't know the diet pill had a banned substance. but... my question is, why are NFL players taking diet pills? to mask other things? until I hear a good explanation for this, I'm gonna stick with this theory. other suggestions/ideas welcome.

Santonio Holmes was arrested. For hot boxing his car. Genius!

Kid gets suspended for Rayhawk. How RETARDED is that?! and how totally cute is this story!!!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Today's sports posts

Because I know you're dying to read them :-P

Faith Hill on the cover of Shape. Damn.

Tom Brady getting married? Yeah... we've heard this one before....

Kellen Winslow suspended for a week. I just watched the video of his comments back when he played for Miami. What a MASSIVE GIANT ASSHOLE.

Jessica Simpson opened her big mouth about Tony Romo. Again. She's done this about all her relationships, and they've all ended. You think she'd learn to STFU.

Some guy married a fruit

Yeah. This German pop star named Ramma Damma married a pineapple 38 years ago.

Um. W.T.F. There are so many things wrong with that statement.

First... Ramma Damma?! What kind of fucked up name is that?!

Second - HE MARRIED A PINEAPPLE. How is that even possible?!

In the words of hott slut Michael K: he decided one day to marry a fruit. Instead of calling up Elton John, he bought one of the most expensive pineapples, named her Tippi and then drove her across the Scottish border where they were married.

Hahahaha. No one could possibly say it better than that.

Ramma Damma, the German freako fruit-loving nutcase, said "I loved her. I wanted to marry her. We stayed in Gretna Green Hall Hotel and we were married by a craftsman wearing a kilt. We enjoyed meals out. We would go to restaurants and she would enjoy a glass of water over dinner. Tippi loved to go to the movies – especially ones about earthquakes – and she would sit on my lap when she got scared."

Tippi obviously didn't survive long, given she's a fruit and, ya know, prone to rotting. To honor her memory, Ramma Damma runs the only plant sanctuary in Germany. The only one?! Really?! SHOCKING.

I, like Michael K, am wondering if Ramma Damma ever consumated this marriage. I wonder what that was like. I feel like sex with a pineapple could potentially be dangerous. He maybe should have picked a less spikey fruit. But that's just my opinion.

More sports posts

Here are my latest stories....

Are ARod and Madonna having a baby?! INSANITY! I'm loving every minute of her divorce : )

Venus Williams won something. Yeah - BARF. but it is a women in sports page, so I had to do it. please know that it almost killed me.

Reggie Bush injured! which means he's not hopping the pond with his team and playing the Chargers in London. Wait... why are the Saints and Chargers playing in London?

Pacman Jones in rehab. Yeah... what a giant mess and waste of talent he is. and there's nothing worse than wasted talent.

Happy reading!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Inebriated Erin strikes again!

Part of a conversation I had with Inebriated Erin on a MONDAY NIGHT. I left it in "Inebriated Erin Speak" so you could fully appreciate it in all its glory, however I provided translations for those of you not skilled in her language.

Enjoy!

Inebriated Erin: omg i just fell in my closet and rupped down a rack fo closth [omg i just fell in my closet and ripped down a rack of clothes]
Inebriated Erin: ok i need to go to bned [ok i need to go to bed]
Inebriated Erin: and my boob poped outta my shirt
Inebriated Erin: durong the fall [during the fall]
Inebriated Erin: ps i lost my shirt in the closet incident
Inebriated Erin: so i dont kn wo if im rational [so i don't know if i'm rational]
Inebriated Erin: oh im nude from the waist up rihht now [oh i'm nude from the waist up right now]
Inebriated Erin: hahha
Inebriated Erin: except for teh hot scarrfff [except for the hot scarf - i'm not sure what she is talking about here]
Inebriated Erin: hahhhaHAHAHAH
Inebriated Erin: MAND MY BEDTIME WAS LIKE 4905U HOURS AGO [and my bedtime was a long time ago]
Inebriated Erin: WHAEBE [um.... i dunno what this was supposed to be]
Inebriated Erin: IF SOMEONE RBINGS ME SOMETHIH TO SOMKE ITS OK [if someone brings me something to smoke its ok - she really wanted a cigar]
Inebriated Erin: my boob just hit me in the face
Inebriated Erin: wat im not sure im wearinh any cloths right now [what i'm not sure i'm wearing any clothes right now]
Inebriated Erin: i may be naked
Erika: allllllllllllllllllllllllllllll this is going on my page
Erika: youre gonna hate it in the morning
Inebriated Erin: hhahah i know im gonna need some crack to soffen te blow [hahaha i know i'm gonna need some crack to soften the blow]
Inebriated Erin: got any?
Inebriated Erin: who wnats to drive me to taco bell [who wants to drive me to taco bell]
Erika: hahaha
Erika: call chris
Inebriated Erin: hhhaaaah i whould....ol say drive me to taco bell u can touh=ch a boob [hahahaha i should... say drive me to taco bell you can touch a boob]
Inebriated Erin: hahhhhhhhhahh
Inebriated Erin: aigt well i shoudl o to bed while i see 2 of evething insatad of 4 [aight well i should go to bed while i see 2 of everything instead of 4]
Inebriated Erin: ps i,m nuede on the baclonhy instead and its nootttt warm [ps, i'm nude on teh balcony instead and its not warm]

Gotta Love Chris Cooley!!

I was making my daily rounds of the hottness that I read, and I came across this gem from Chris Cooley. It was so awesome I had to share : )

Big game this week for the Skins
We hit the Browns in the chin
The game was rough
But, we were tough
And left the field with a win.

Clinton ran wild again
Santana scored with a spin
Z made good calls
Edwards dropped balls
Snyder now has a big grin.

I wanted to catch more balls
Instead I blocked like a wall
So sore my neck,
Like a car wreck
But, winning is worth it all.

Our defense gave them some lumps
Fans got everyone so pumped
On the goal line,
Stuffed four times
Cleveland went home in the dumps.

Next week we fly to Detroit
Lions will try to exploit
We'll practice hard,
Go into their yard
Hail to the Skins in Detroit.

Again, HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!! Hopefully we can roll through Detroit this weekend! : )

Harder than I thought...

And so begins my last week with my job. : (

Not only is it sad, it's also incredibly stressful, as I have to make sure all my paperwork is done by Friday, and I have to get everything situated at my new job. I took last Friday off to do that, but I had a horrible migraine all day and didn't make it out of the house. So it's just more crap to deal with this week.

Then there's the long list of stuff I want to write about here, which I feel the need to incorporate, as I find writing - about anything - a little therapeutic. Then there's the stuff I have to write for Right Fielders. And yes, I have to do that, because if I keep them happy they'll eventually pay me.

So here I am, Monday, 9:10, and about to walk out the door for my last Monday with PRS. Very, very sad.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

SUCK IT, BOSTON!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TAMPA BAY!!!!!!!

I'm not going to lie... I'm WAY more excited over a Red Sox loss than anything else, but this is Tampa's first world series appearance EVER! How exciting for them! : )

AND BOSTON LOST! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I LOVE how they show the dejected looks in the dugout. LOVES IT!

YAY TAMPA! Thanks for making my weekend!! : )

Just so ya know....

Like I said in an earlier post, part of the reason I've been a little MIA is because I've been writing stuff for Right Fielders. Since I'm not the only one writing for them, I thought I'd share some links to the stories I've written... cuz I know yall are dying to read them :-P

Posh and Becks robbed!! BY EMPLOYEES THEY'VE HAD FOR 10 YRS!! How sucky would that be?!

Kellen Winslow had huge, huge balls. So he went to the hospital. Or at least that's the rumor. HA!

The NBA is firing people. Damn, that sucks.

More drug problems for Jose Canseco. Will he ever learn?

Tom Brady says no to CK undie ads. I know - I'm just as devastated as you are. I think that's very mean and selfish of him. I wonder if this means he knows he can't fill out those skivees as well as Becks does. If that's the case, I feel bad for Gis.

Pacman Jones suspended. Again. Idiot.

Posh and Becks bird shit facials. You can't make this stuff up, people.

Ron Mexico the dog killer may return to the NFL. I'll probably do my own post on this, as I had to censor myself for them. I threw up about 2034234324023984023 times in my mouth as I was writing this. I think I need to vent. So stay tuned.

Romo may play injured. Haha... I guess this didn't pan out.

Becks is writing a book. Is there anything he isn't doing these days??

No surgery for Kim Kardashian. Because this is somehow important.

Andy Roddick Naked!!! I know I wrote about this here, too, but it was too good not to share again : )

ARod may be doing Madonna. OOOOOH the scandal!

So there they all are! I've been busy : ) I'll try to post links in a more timely manner in the future.

Sports Update

I know I know... when have I ever been this quiet over a heavy sports weekend? I think I'm sick : ( All weekend, I've taken a ton of naps and still felt really crappy and tired... I'm a bit worried. Not good.

All that being said....

WAHOOWA!!! I'm not going to lie - I fell asleep before the end of the game (see? I MUST be sick!)... and in my asleep haze, I thought we had lost. Imagine my surprise when, at the start of the tek game, the goons talk about UNC losing! VERY EXCITING! GO HOOS, baby!! I dunno where this team came from, but I'm happy it finally showed up, even if it was a few games late : )

HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!! Again, not going to lie... I slept through the beginning ... and the middle of the second half. But I saw the end - YAY!!! Glad my boys pulled out the win! : ) We best look better against Detroit, though. I can't handle these close games to sucky teams.

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY BC!!!!!!!! I did manage to watch (although not pay full attention to) most of that game, and I was VERY pleasantly surprised by the outcome! I have to say, I wasn't totally shocked BC won. Lulu went up to Boston for the game, and, other than a UVA game, I don't think Lulu has ever traveled to a big game and seen a win. I know he went to the ACC title game that they lost. And I think he's been to a bowl game... that they lost. I think there maybe be more.... but Lulu's not around to verify this information. It appears his streak continued, though! so big YAY! there!!! Thanks, Lulu : )

Now, if only Tampa Bay can pull out a win over the Red Sox!! GO RAYS!!!!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I knew it was too good to be true

This is what I get for being excited about the damn game. NOT A GOOD START, BOYS.

Things didn't start great against ECU, either. So maybe it's still ok

I DON'T want to lose to a team who hasn't beaten us in Charlottesville since 1981. KEEP THE STREAK ALIVE!

Oldest Rivalry in the South!

What's the present tense of Carolina Blue?

CAROLINA BLOWS!

Today marks the 113th meeting of UVA and UNC, making it the oldest rivalry in the South. Despite UNC's #18 ranking, history points towards a W for the 'Hoos.

  • UNC has not won in Charlottesville since 1981.
  • Clint Sintim leads the NATION in sacks by a linebacker, racking up 8 so far this season (!!!!)
  • Cedric Peerman has had back-to-back 100 yd games
  • Carolina BLOWS! (I know this is a repeated point, but I felt it was worth mentioning again)

I'm actually a little excited about today's game! I feel that's going to come back and bite me in the ass, since the last two weeks I was resigned to a loss before the game started, and I have been pleasantly surprised. This week, our foe is ranked - although, I guess tek is ranked as well, which I find completely ridiculous and feel they don't remotely deserve. So perhaps a little number before their name really doesn't mean shit.

GO HOOS!!!!

I got all my little tidbits of knowledge from my boy TheUVAFool. Check him out : )

Friday, October 17, 2008

Oprah Gyno Story

I was watching Mamma O the other day, and she had a show about rude behavior. At one point, an audience member stood up and told her story about one of the rudest things she had ever personally experienced. This story was so traumatizing, it still haunts me several days later.


The lady said she was at the gynecologist (and we all know how completely traumatizing I find that experience...). She had her feet in the stirrups and she was spread out in all her glory (HORRIFYING). A cell phone rings and the lady realized it wasn't hers. It was the doctor's. AND HE ANSWERED IT and had what she described as a 7 minute conversation that was NOT an emergency. He had a cell phone conversation while she's in a glorified paper sheet with her vajayjay all spread out in this guy's face.

O.M.G.

Needless to say, she has never gone back to this particular doctor.

a little MIA

So I feel I've been a little MIA recently. I have 20384203852352343 things saved away to write about, but I haven't really had a chance to do anything. I've been busy. Sorry.

I'm currently in the process of switching jobs, which is both sad and exciting. I love my job and my clients, and it's been harder than expected telling them all that I'm leaving. Thankfully, I've gotten through breaking the news to everyone, and now I can focus on transitioning them to their new people and making sure they'll all be taken care of.

On Oct. 27th, I start my new job as case manager at the Clarendon Club House in Arlington!! This job combines what I do now with the job of a case manager - basically, I'll be doing the job of 2 people. And I'll be doing that with twice as many clients. Haha... the more I think about it, the more I question wtf I've gotten myself into. Haha... but that's ok! Still excited!! (I think...)

Tomorrow I get to spend a few hours filling out paperwork and getting fingerprinted (again). Fun fun! I hope I don't have to get a TB test. We all know I'm a huge freak with 20385235023482343 different phobias, and needles are at the top of the list. I don't know if I can handle a TB test. So here's hoping!

In the midst of all this chaos, I've started a sort of 2nd job. I'm an affiliate writer for Right Fielders, which is a blog about women in sports, off-field sports news, and the hottie girlfriends and wives of athletes. All my posts are labeled as mine - and, obvi, they're the best :-P Check it out! Hopefully I'll get promoted to a staff writer and actually get paid for my efforts.

That's the quickie update on my life... hopefully I'll find some time tomorrow to write about one or two of those 20384203852352343 stockpiled stories : )

Thursday, October 16, 2008

More awesomeness from Lusty Lulu!

Lusty Lulu: gotta take my ambien
Erika: you take ambien?
Lusty Lulu: no, doing something else i do every night before bed
Lusty Lulu: but ambien sounds better, doesnt it?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Gotta love out-of-context quotes

Snippit from an IM conversation with Lusty Lulu (real name, Brian)

LustyLulu: brian has syphillis

When Celebrity Fashion Goes Horribly Wrong

Here's a Fierce! fashion edition of celebrity news... because this stuff was just too good to pass up.


Madonna's so busted, she gets two mentions in this same post. Sad for her. First, these shoes. WTF was she thinking?! She rocked these Chanel shoes at the New York premier of her film "Filth and Wisdom." First - Chanel?! CHANEL made these?! When I think "Chanel," I think nice things like "timeless" and "classic," not "gangster toy guns." These things look like some horrible reject from the Maddox shoe line. Not to mention, the guns themselves look busted as hell. Like Maddox was running around playing with them for about a year, then got tired of them and threw them out in order to play with the new knife Angie and Brad just bought him. Chanel rooted through Brangelina's trash and snapped these puppies right up. So they're not even clean fugly shoes! What kind of statement was she trying to make here? I don't get it.

Moving on.... let's talk about her HAIR. This is something that bothers the shit out of me everywhere she goes. Here she is, all done-up in her weird ass expensive Chanel shoes and fancy dress for her own movie premier, and she couldn't even be bothered to dye her fucking roots?! COME ON. You have more money that God, Madge. FIX YOUR FUCKING HAIR. This is an issue EVERYWHERE she goes. Her big benefit for Malawi? ROOTS. Her 50th birthday party? ROOTS. All over her concerts? ROOTS. Premier for Guy's last movie? ROOTS. I don't get why this is so difficult for her. If you can't keep up with it, then don't dye it. You'd think her people would be more on top of this.


Another lucky lady with a double-mention! Because yes, it's just that tragic. Here she is looking like a bargain basement ho at Madonna's movie premier. Her hair looks trashtastic (and oddly just like Madonna's), but at least it's all the same color. Her face isn't looking... right... either. It's like... all dirty or something. I just want to scrub it with a brillo pad. But let's talk about the real tragedy here. Why WHY are her feet a totally different color from the rest of her body?! How could this have possibly happened?! We all know that shade of orange isn't natural, so someone did this to her. HAHAHAHAHAHA to them for 1. thinking of this and 2. actually getting away with it. The vajayjay lovin must be blocking what little good sense she has left.

I think what makes this better is she was photographed somewhere else with her multi-colored skin. Perez posted this picture the other day, which is clearly from a different event, as she's looking tragic in a totally different outfit. Haha... different outfit, but same shoes. I really don't like the checkered top on this thing. Or the one shoulder look. And it almost looks like her hands are white, too. Homegirl needs a new tanning company. Stat 1 2.
And, at both of these events, where was her accessory du jour, SamRo?! Does she skip out on things she has to shower before attending?


Hot.Tranny.Mess. That's really all that comes to mind when I see this picture. So much is wrong. First, her hair. I hate that haircut. Although, again, at least it's all one color (HELLO, Madonna!). The make-up. WOW. That lipstick is just criminal. Then the shirt. It's like a bad acid trip. And the leather pants. Never a fan of leather pants. And top the whole thing off with purple tranny-inspired platforms! FIRED. She needs new gays around her, because it's shameful they let her out the door looking like this.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Long Overdue Celebrity Roundup

It's been a while, and I have 2083402394234234 stories stock piled... so here's the rundown!


Amy Winehouse and Tom Cruise

Tommy girl and the Scientology aliens have contacted Wino, stating they would like to help. Apparently, Xenu can cure all! They have a three part plan to fix her crack headed ways. Part 1 consists of vitamins. Part 2 is some kind of "detox diet" and some sort of special sauna thing. Part 3 is a series of Scientology self-help books. Some source told The Mirror “They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a program so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential center. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.” Too bad you have to sell your soul to the crazies to get any kind of help. Maybe you could just do the vitamins, detox diet, and saunas and then peace out before getting to the alien workbooks? Yeah, probably not. By that point, I'm sure they've reprogrammed your soul. On a side note, HOW GOOD DOES SHE LOOK IN THIS PICTURE?! She actually looks her age! So young and full of life. Let this be a lesson, yall - drugs are bad. BAD! They apparently can lead to Xenu, and nothing is worse than that.

Jennifer Aniston

Let me start off by saying I find Jennifer awfully sad these days. I feel she's rather desperate for attention. I was totally on team Aniston (and technically still am) after Brad left to be with that home wrecker of his, but every time Jennifer lands herself in the rags with some "new man" story (with all the accompanying "sources" that talk about how in loooooooove she is after 2 hrs), or, worse, stories like this one, I'm sure Angie privately smiles to herself. That being said, Jenny's recently been in the rags for various things. The story linked above talks about the obscene money she spends on her dog. Don't get my wrong - I love my dog more than anything, even though it's questionable if he deserves it or not. However, I think this story borders on the insane. She spends $350 a WEEK to give her dog Norman massages, Reiki (some kind of touch-oriented Japanese stress-reduction technique), and acupuncture to help him with aching joints and stiffness. $350 A WEEK. That's INSANE. And a clear indication she has way too much money on her hands. In other Jennifer news (not linked above), she's apparently freakishly tanorexic. Recently, her own personal tanning bed broke, SO SHE BOUGHT TWO to replace it. And, in today's news, she's apparently back with John Mayer. He's supposedly been sending her millions of sappy lovey text messages, and she finally succumbed and spent time with him in New York eating sushi at his place and going out to eat and whatnot. I'm sure in two days, the stories will be about them getting married and having kids, and two days after that, they'll be done. Because that's her track record recently.

Speaking of Angie and Brad...

At her recent movie premier, she was asked if they were done having kids. DUH. The answer was "no." On having 203820394234 kids, she said "We often try to have a bath alone together at the end of the night and sit and talk, but they hear the water and want to jump in. It's fun and it's lovely - the thing about having six kids is once you've passed three or four it's so crazy anyway that it's just more chaos and it's all OK." On the twins, she said "The twins are just the sweetest little things. They lay next to each other. They're starting to smile a lot. Knox looks like Brad and Vivienne looks more like me. They are developing interesting personalities. Knox seems more relaxed and Vivienne is more loud." In other news, they sure do move around a lot. In just the past week or so.... they dragged all of those kids from France to New York for Angie's premier, then to New Orleans for a hott five minutes, then back to their huge estate in France, THEN to a huge fortress in Berlin while Brad films his latest movie. How can all this moving be good for these kids? Some of them are school aged - remember allllllllllllll that hoopla when Maddox was enrolled at that ridic overpriced school with the even more ridic lunches in New York? Thank God they keep adding to the family - the kids won't have any friends outside of the clan with all the moving they do. I feel like, at this point, it's time to settle somewhere and give the kids a small taste of NORMALCY. I realize as part of the Brangelina clan, "normal" can't totally happen, but you can get somewhat close. But that's just my opinion.....

Halle Berry

Recently voted the sexiest woman alive (or something close to that) by Esquire, she's still with that hott model of hers and she told UsWeekly that they're trying to have another baby. This picture of her was taken at an Elle Magazine party, and I'm thinking she looks like she's been successful at getting herself knocked up again. I always hate to speculate on stuff like this - I mean, what if it was just an off night? or maybe it's that time of the month and she's a bit bloated. But it's hard to argue with this picture.... if so, congrats to them! I do wish they'd get married, but I guess I'm just a little old fashioned like that.

David Duchovny

Fox Moulder has been sprung from sex rehab! He was spotted out and about with that horrible wife of his about a week ago. I say she's horrible because I'm still upset that he married her rather than wait for me. I had such a thing for him back in the day.... but I digress....


Johnny Depp

First, let me start off by saying YUM. Ok.... moving on. Johnny is reportedly getting $55.8 million UPFRONT to come back as Capt. Jack Sparrow for part 4 of Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean movies. That's a shit ton of cash! And that's just the upfront payment - who knows how much he'll end up making when you factor in all the other shit that gets put into movie contracts. DAMN. This payment puts Johnny at the top of the leader board for upfront movie payments. The previous record holder was Tom Hanks, who got $50 million upfront for part 2 of the Da Vinci Code. Where have I been?! I thought the kings and queens of hollywood got $20 million a movie if they were super hott shit. Guess I'm living in the distant past. Congrats to Johnny for his huge ass payday.

Andy Roddick

Again, YUM. To help Elton John raise money to help those with AIDS in the South, this hott piece auctioned off the chance to get an hour-long private tennis lesson taught by him. During the auction, he upped the ante to an hour-long lesson in which he promised to take off his shirt. With the increase in bids, he then one upped that and stated he would teach the lesson NAKED. Some lady paid $15,000 for the opportunity to spend an hour with his sweaty, naked, hott ass self. Lucky bitch. THIS is why I need to win the lotto.

Jamie Lynn Spears

Ok. This story is getting on my nerves. IS SHE OR ISN'T SHE?! Make up your mind, people! Some "sources" say Jamie Lynn got herself knocked up again, just 3 months-ish after giving birth. Apparently she thought breast feeding was a contraceptive, so she didn't ask baby daddy Casey to wrap it up. Isn't this how Brit Brit had two kids so close together? You'd think she would have learned. You also think she would have learned after getting knocked up the first time. Her awesome mom is flipping out, and family members are pleading with her to get an abortion. Other "sources" state this isn't true and she's not preggo. Every day there seems to be a new "source" that contradicts what was said the day before. I guess we'll know in a few months, though. PS - hott skanky tshirt, Jamie Lynn! Good image for a teenaged mom.

Maureen McCormick

Perfect Marcia was a skeevy ho! Maureen wrote some kind of tell-all book delving into the sordid details of a troubled child star. Her book states she had 2 abortions, was addicted to coke and ludes, would knock boots for drugs, dated Steve Martin and Michael Jackson (!!!!), almost gave her V-card to her tv brother Barry Williams (that's almost gross), had drug binges at the Playboy Mansion, and battled bulima. Damn. That's like Wino and and a half! She dated MICHAEL JACKSON! I guess that was back before he was super creepy, but still! She blames all her issues on Syphilis. Yes, you read that right. On the Today Show, she said that her grandma died in a mental hospital from the Syph, and a week later her grandpa killed himself (sadness). After that, her mom got the Syph. Damn. Talk about a family of hos! Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Jan must be thrilled.

Hef's New Hos

Yeah. I still think they're pretty fug. Here they are looking trashtastic at some fashion show. I get that they're young, blond, orange hos, and Hef has a thing for young, blond, oranges hos, but SERIOUSLY. I think Karissa and Kristina Shannon are a big step down for the mackdaddy Playboy pimp. He needs to move on already. NEXT.

105 years of pure innocence

This hott piece was mentioned on Elliot in the Morning the other day, and then showed up on dlisted... because she's just that special.

Meet Clara Meadmore, 105 years young and Britain's oldest virgin. Diane from EITM also said she was the world's oldest virgin - I haven't read confirmation of that, but I can't imagine there being too many people who are 1. older than her and 2. still as pure as the day they were born, so I'm going to give Diane the benefit of the doubt on this one.

Clara told The Sun "People have asked whether I am a homosexual and the answer is no. I have just never been interested in or fancied having sex. I've never had a boyfriend - I've never been bothered about relationships. When I was a girl you only had sex with your husband and I never married. I've always had lots of platonic friendships with men but never felt the need to go further than that or marry. I made my mind up at the age of 12 never to marry and I've not gone back on that. I grew up in an era where little girls were to be seen and not heard so I had to learn to stand up for myself and earn my own living. Some men don't like that in a woman and before long I was too old to marry anyway."

I find it interesting that people question which side she butters her bread on. When Diane first told this story, my first thought was of her being a nun or some other kind of religious person like that. It seems religion had nothing to do with her choice to not have sex. She just didn't fancy it.

Good for you, Clara! Sometimes I question if men are worth the trouble..... although, at the same time. 105 yrs of.... nothing. WOW. I know some people who have trouble going 105 hrs without getting busy. You think she's 100% pure, or do you think she had some alone time somewhere in those 105 years? Or maybe if you've never gotten anything, you don't know what you're missing...? Interesting things to ponder. Enjoy the mental picture of a 105 year old getting busy by herself :-P You're welcome for that.

Monday, October 13, 2008

End of a good weekend!

Today, Coop and I went back to Prince William Forest Park to check out one of their trails. What a good time!! Coop had a blast sniffing around, digging in the dirt, and exploring the area, and I was able to take 230481203498234324023852639517234 pictures of the trees and whatnot (which are all up in my main webshots album, if you care : ) so ya know... check them out).

The trail was great - until I got to a part that I didn't think I would be able to navigate my way back down (especially not with Cooper pulling me along). I can't wait to go back in two weeks with Lulu and hopefully make it past where I turned around today! I think I'm going to have to look into getting an annual pass to this place, because aside from this trail, there are several others we still need to explore. AND, it's only about 6 miles from the house! YAY!

Coop is now completely tuckered out, which is fabulous : ) Too bad I have to work tomorrow : ( Big giant BOOOOO to that.

Celebrity Roundup - Bunny Edition

There have been 2038432048234234 stories about this recently... here's the quick round up on what's going on.

Kendra and Hef have broken up. There have been several stories about her dating (being engaged to??!) a football player (a Philly Eagle). She finally confirmed that she and Hef are no longer together, saying that they would always be friends. Awwww.


Holly and Hef have broken up, too. There were all kinds of stories about Holly running around with that nasty Cris Angel guy. She said they were "special friends" or something like that. She finally just recently said that she and Hef have broken up, although they remain friends. She has her own place, but is currently still living in the Mansion (did she get her own room?). Hef finally made a statement as well, saying that Holly wanted kids and marriage, and he couldn't give her those things. Apparently, they did try to have kids a few months ago, but Hef's old self is shooting blanks, and kids just aren't possible. He also said that Holly would always be the love of his life. I have to say - I find this kind of sad. Despite the MASSIVE age difference, I actually liked them together. I'm sad they had to break up, but I guess I'm glad Holly did what she had to do and didn't give up on being a mom and a wife.

No one really knows if Hef and Bridget are still together. She's been in Europe filming "Bridget's Beaches" with the travel channel.

Being the hott pimp that he is, Hef hasn't let these break ups get him down. He's dating Kristina and Karissa Shannon, 19 year old twins who have previously posed for Playboy. I, personally, think they're ugly... and I'm surprised he's gone for the small boob look (since the last three girls were so opposite from that). Could they be any more orange?! Someone(s) need to lay off the self tanner. They also have a sordid past. Not too long ago, they were arrested at some party for laying a serious beat down on a party guest. And I feel like I read somewhere that that wasn't their first arrest for laying a beat down on someone. Classy. It's like Kendra... only much, much worse. And not as good looking.

Some chick named Amy Leigh Andrews, a college senior from Georgia, is also vying hardcore for a coveted "girlfriend" title. From what I've read, Hef says she has a good shot, but I guess he hasn't made up his mind yet. I think she's better looking than the orange twins, but I'm not overly impressed, either. She strikes me as a hardcore gold digger (hahaha... although I guess they all do), and she makes me miss the girls next door.

Photo source for the orange twins; Georgia gold digger.