Monday, September 29, 2008

Celebrity Roundup

So, I have an (unhealthy?) obsession with bad celebrity gossip. Every day, I read dlisted and perez to find out what's going on in hollyweird. To get a little bit of mental exercise, I've decided that I'm going to make my own daily recap of the things I found funny/amusing/shocking/too good to be true. So welcome to the first installment of Celebrity Roundup.

(Also, to cover my ass, I'm going to post a link to where I got my story from. Feel free to read Michael K's biting commentary on these stories, as they're priceless.)

Ok... this story isn't from today, but I can't ignore it. Wino is... troubled. I seriously don't understand how this girl is still alive. I find it tragically sad, because she is so unbelievably talented. And she's just pissing it all away on drugs. I know I'm not alone in feeling that it will be really surprising if Amy is still with us to ring in 2009. And her parents - wtf is up with them? They constantly comment to the paps and press, and I believe her mom and sent "open letters" to various media outlets begging for her to clean up her ways, etc. Yet, at her wax figure unveiling, they were complete enablers and made 2038432434 different excuses for her absence, when we all know where she really was. And what's up with Blaaaaaaaaaaaaake repeatedly opting to stay in the clinker rather than going home? Does he owe some dealer money and is afraid to leave? I guess that's a whole different story....

The only thing you can really say about this is EWWWWWWWWWWWWWAH. While celebrating the birthday of that troll* she's dating (*I'm using Michael K's term for him, because it's just so fitting... and Michael K is one hott slut), he was apparently chugging too much champagne and tequila. He got sick very suddenly, and his only course of action was the THROW UP ON JANET. Again, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAH.

How much does Rumor look like Ashlee Simpson here? When I first saw the picture, I thought the story was going to be about Ashlee, Pete, and their little emo baby. The only thing that gave away who this was is that distinctive chin. Speaking of which, how unfortunate is poor Rumor? Her mom is gorgeous, and Bruce isn't bad looking. But somehow... when that gene pool combined, things just didn't work out. I'm still.... baffled that she made People's Sexiest People list.

There's apparently a Brit sex tape from her time with that sketchy Adnan guy. He claims it's 2 hrs long and is from their little getaway to Mexico a while back. All Brit's wearing in the tape is that busted pink wig of hers. Isn't this old news? I feel like we heard this back when she first started getting better and Adnan was suddenly out of the picture.

She was at Macy's in NYC with that ridiculously hott man she's married to plugging their fragrances over the weekend. She was rocking these thigh-high PVC boots that cost $6000 (!!!!) . Aside from the astronomical price, these boots HAVE NO HEELS. Honestly - how do you walk like that without falling over? I can see at first (sorta) where you just stay up on your toes or whatev. But wouldn't you get tired (quickly?)?? How can you sustain walking around on those? For $6000, I wouldn't want shoes that were that much work. But hey, that's just me.

I'm not going to lie. Back in the day, Tom Cruise was hot as shit. Top Gun? YUMMO! But lately.... I think Scientology has gotten to him just a bit. It all started with the couch jumping on Momma O's show, and it's just been downhill quickly from there. I feel like Katie has aged 20842349324 yrs in the year they've been married. What bothers me the most (and what Michael K points out here), is that Tom can NEVER let Katie walk on her own. If they're together, he's holding on to her. But I never get that warm fuzzy "awww... they've been married for a while and still hold hands" sense from it. It's like he's trying to keep her from running away, or trying to remind her that he still has control, or something freaky along those lines. I find it very unsettling.

1 opinions that are almost as important as mine:

McCain said...

OMG love it! You rock! Can you write me over at Right Celebrity about a blogging opportunity?