Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Some guy married a fruit

Yeah. This German pop star named Ramma Damma married a pineapple 38 years ago.

Um. W.T.F. There are so many things wrong with that statement.

First... Ramma Damma?! What kind of fucked up name is that?!

Second - HE MARRIED A PINEAPPLE. How is that even possible?!

In the words of hott slut Michael K: he decided one day to marry a fruit. Instead of calling up Elton John, he bought one of the most expensive pineapples, named her Tippi and then drove her across the Scottish border where they were married.

Hahahaha. No one could possibly say it better than that.

Ramma Damma, the German freako fruit-loving nutcase, said "I loved her. I wanted to marry her. We stayed in Gretna Green Hall Hotel and we were married by a craftsman wearing a kilt. We enjoyed meals out. We would go to restaurants and she would enjoy a glass of water over dinner. Tippi loved to go to the movies – especially ones about earthquakes – and she would sit on my lap when she got scared."

Tippi obviously didn't survive long, given she's a fruit and, ya know, prone to rotting. To honor her memory, Ramma Damma runs the only plant sanctuary in Germany. The only one?! Really?! SHOCKING.

I, like Michael K, am wondering if Ramma Damma ever consumated this marriage. I wonder what that was like. I feel like sex with a pineapple could potentially be dangerous. He maybe should have picked a less spikey fruit. But that's just my opinion.

0 opinions that are almost as important as mine: