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Monday, November 24, 2008

Heidi and Spencer married, Ashlee Simpson baby

Ok. This is NOT GOOD. I dunno what evil alignment the planets were in this year, but it clearly wasn't a good one.

First, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had their little emo baby, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, on the fabulous day that is my birthday. That was pretty fucking horrible. I'm sure he was born with tragically bad emo hair flat ironed into his face and dyed a ridiculous shade of super black, complete with eye liner and black nail polish, and that trademark emo mopey look that lets us all know how completely tragic his life is. At least that is genuine - we'd all have that mopey look if Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz were our parents. I'm sure "flat iron" will be one of Bronx Mowgli Wentz's first words.

This was bad enough on the glorious day that is my birthday. But then today's news showed up:

Heidi and Spencer eloped in Mexico. I mean... this is the worst.cover.EVER. Ashlee baby... Heidi and Spencer marriage. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. That photo pretty much makes me wanna hurl. Good thing I haven't had dinner.

Apparently these two twats snuck off to Mexico and eloped, despite objections from their parents..... and the rest of the free world. Check out the photos here. I love how Heidi managed to find the most hookerish shoes... just shy of some Shauna Sand lucite heels. And I think Michael K is right.... Heidi is looking a little preggo in that dress. God lets hope she's not carrying the spawn of Spencer.

I officially have to change my birthday. Or jump off a bridge. Or maybe both... I wouldn't want an obit to say that my birthday was the same date as these two events.

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