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Sunday, November 15, 2009

Maryland Terps are Douche Bags

Those of you who know me know of my total and utter disdain and complete lack of respect for hokie athletics. (For those of you who don't know me.... that's a story for another time.) Knowing this, I realize you'd be hard pressed to believe that I could possibly abhor a program more so than I do tek's (yes, that's right... I busted out the a word)... but, my friends, there is such a program.

Maryland.

Yes, our neighbors to the north have generated much wrath from me over the years. Let's revisit, shall we?

1. In 2002, the Fridge called us and Dook "guaranteed wins" at the start of the season. First of all, real classy move there, Fridge. Who does that?! Second, that "guaranteed win" went on to beat his ass 48-13. It was a glorious game. As a student, I of course was enjoying the slaughter from the student section with my friends. Right next to me was a group of about 8 or so twerps, who were all very much past their college years. Naturally, the close proximity of some twerps got me going a little, and we exchanged several less-than-pleasant comments. But this is to be expected... it is football, after all. After murrland came out, quickly marched down the field, and put 7 on the board, they sort of completely forgot how to play football and the ass kicking commenced. It goes without saying that the comments from me and Awesome Adogg only increased, but again... don't come hang out in my house and start some shit if you can't take it back. Before halftime, the twerps had long run out of things they could trash talk about, as their team had been lying limp on the field for about 25 minutes. So they began attacking me personally. Yes, that's right. 30-somethings began attacking me personally because their team sucked ass. WHO DOES THAT?! Real classy, guys. Your parents must be so proud.

2. Jump ahead to the following year. It was my 4th year, and the game against the twerps was up in college park. The 4th year class got a bus together and offered seats to students, so of course my roommate and I jumped on this. Our seats were literally like 5 rows from the top of the stadium, and there were several empty rows between us and the next closest people. We were minding our own business, cheering on our Hoos (which clearly wasn't making a spit of difference given how far away we were from the field), and the 40-somethings several rows in front of us decided to take issue with our love of the Hoos and they began attacking us. Again I say - WTF. As a visitor, I would of course expect some good-natured ribbing from the home team, but what these MEN (not teenagers or college students, but MEN who I'm presuming had to get up and go to work Monday-Friday and support themselves, families, etc) did went well beyond that. It was disgusting and completely ruined the experience for us. Late into the game, about 10 rows down from us, numerous twerps were escorted from the game by the po because they had gotten into a fist fight with each other while arguing over the Redskins and the Ravens. Yes, that's right. They were arrested for fighting over something that had nothing to do with the event they were at. After the game, a very drunk, belligerent girl rudely attempted to board our bus and became very vulgar with us when we wouldn't let her on (this was after she peed in the parking lot in front of stopped traffic). After returning home to the safety of Charlottesville, I learned that during the game, twerps had broken into Wilk Hall's RV (they're a group of hardcore Hoo fans that travel to all the games) and completely trashed it. The RV was not drivable and the entire group was completely stranded in the parking lot. Again I say - CLASSY.

3. While I was watching a non-uva murrland home game on television, a visiting player got hurt and was lying on the field while medical staff attended to him. It was a nasty hit, and no one was sure of the extent of the injuries. Now... any good sports fan knows that when a player is down like that on the field, whether he be your boy or an opponent, you respectfully stand there and don't say a whole lot until you know if he's ok. When he gets up and moves off the field, you clap, because football's a dangerous game and you're happy he's not dead or completely paralyzed. Is this was murrland fans chose to do? NOPE. They used this opportunity to start a loud and inappropriate chant. I guess they were really excited that their team may have permanently injured a young kid.

4. Inebriated Erin told me a wonderful story about when she was in 9th grade (which made her youngest sister about 7 years old). Both of her parents are wonderful Wahoos, so they took Inebriated Erin and her three younger sisters to a UVA-Murrland game in College Park. The twerps around them were so inappropriate and belligerent that her mom took all of them out of the stadium and they left the game early. Again, I understand it's a football game and people are drinking, and you have to expect some level of inappropriateness, etc, but the twerps sitting around them went well beyond what was even sort of inappropriate. Nice.

5. There was an unfortunate Hoo who attended a game at Murrland and ended up in the front row of the student section. She was not loud or obnoxious, nor did she say anything to anyone around her. She simply stood there quietly watching the game in a jersey for one of our players. The twerps around her did not afford her the same level of respect that she gave them. They threw things at her, and yelled at her personally to the point where she had to leave the game. Awesome.

As if all of that wasn't bad enough.... I heard a story yesterday that seriously just takes the cake.

6. Lusty Lulu scored himself a ticket to the vah tek-murrland game a few days ago, and was so excited he could barely contain himself. He had plans to have a very inappropriate tshirt made, but decided he would skip that, as he did not want to land himself in PG county jail... as he knew the shirt would incite violence from the twerps near him. He and his cHokie friends tailgated and I'm sure got nice and toasty, and headed into the game. While I have no doubt that they were doing their fair share of dishing to the twerps seated around them, someone in front of Lusty Lulu said perhaps the most inappropriate and offensive thing I have ever heard. He turned around and looked right at Lusty Lulu and his friends and said "you know what Virginia Tech leads the nation in? Mass murders." WOW. There really are no words for that. Honestly... WHO SAYS THAT?! Needless to say, Lusty Lulu had to be physically restrained.... and that guy was eventually kicked out of the game. Shocker.

So yes my friends... murrland twerps are douche bags. I still abhor tek with every fiber of my soul, but I must say I have never had a bad experience as a visitor at a tek sporting event. Murrland seems to find new and creative ways to one-up themselves in the douche column every time I learn a new story about them. Bravo, twerps. Bravo.

And to all the twerps out there who may be reading this.... you can spare me your bullshit. Because unless you can tell me a handful of stories that even remotely compare to these (especially the last one), I won't give a rats ass about what you have to say.

1 opinions that are almost as important as mine:

f1trey said...

YOure alive!!!!! whew....... of course your return would have to include trashing tech!! LOL hehehee ...kudos!